Breaking free from entitlement: The secret to happier relationships

After a recent personal experience, I realized how easily entitlement affects relationships. Picture a roommate who never pays utilities but keeps the lights on all day. When asked to help, he snaps, “If it bothers you, you can turn it off.”

Entitlement is the belief or feeling that you deserve certain privileges or special treatment, often without earning them or considering others. It can creep in without us noticing, and if we don’t address it, it can gradually damage our relationships and happiness.

However, entitlement is not always negative. Sometimes, being entitled means having a legitimate right to something. For example, we all have a right to benefits, privileges, services, or compensation granted by law, contract, or policy. This includes a citizen’s right to vote, an employee’s allotted paid vacation days, and receiving Social Security or pension benefits.

These are healthy forms of entitlement. But negative entitlement happens when someone expects special treatment they haven’t earned. If this attitude isn’t addressed, it can quietly harm both work and personal relationships.

How can you tell if a feeling or trait is a sign of unhealthy entitlement? Here are some questions to help you reflect:

• Do I feel that I am owed certain privileges or special treatment without a particular reason?
• When others achieve success, do I feel envious or think I deserve the same without similar effort?
• Do I expect others to prioritize my needs over their own without reciprocation?

These questions can help you spot entitlement in yourself. Here are a few more to think about:

• Do I often perceive myself as superior to others, feeling that rules or social norms apply less to me?
• Am I vulnerable to disappointment, and do I experience frustration and anger when things do not go my way because of unrealistic expectations?

The real issue with entitlement is expecting special treatment without a good reason. This often undermines fairness and respect for others.

For instance, have you ever felt someone could have done more for you, but their effort seemed inadequate? Maybe you didn’t appreciate it or show no gratitude? Low-key, you might feel resentment because your unspoken expectations weren’t met, or hurt, because you see their actions as a sign of how much they value you. Recognizing these feelings can help you develop more empathy and understanding in such situations.

A story was told of a friend (A) who became angry because friend (B) failed to send him abroad as promised. Instead, friend (B) traveled with his sister. Friend (A) felt disappointed, angry, and resentful toward friend (B).

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people go through the same thing.

There was a time when my partner failed to keep a promise he had made to me. It was an offer I genuinely anticipated, and I was disappointed when he did not keep his word. I felt deeply affected by this. I secretly thought, “If he truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have broken his promise.” This inner dialogue revealed my vulnerability and highlighted the entitlement I needed to address.

But when I thought about it, had I really earned the right to expect those rewards?

At the time, I believed my partner should always put my needs and his promises to me first, no matter what else was going on.

In the other scenario, Friend (A)’s “anger” wasn’t just about the broken promise. It was more about Friend (B) choosing his own interests after making a promise. The emotion certainly stems from friend (A) believing, ‘if he can do it for himself, he must do it for me too.’

We often expect others to put our needs first because of promises or past actions. This shows how unchecked entitlement can lead to misunderstandings and disappointment.

But who says we get to decide how someone spends their money? What gives us the right to feel angry, disappointed, or even hurt that an expectation, hinged on the capabilities of another human, MUST be met at all times?

That experience with my partner made me take a hard look at myself and check my own sense of entitlement. You can do the same by asking yourself:

• Are my expectations fair and reasonable? Think about whether your requests respect the other person’s time, effort, boundaries, or resources. Are you asking for something you wouldn’t expect from yourself or a stranger? Try looking at your expectations as if you were an outsider. Would you think they’re fair if someone else asked the same of you?

If you answer no, your expectation might come from a sense of unearned superiority, not real fairness.

When you assess if your expectations are fair, you shift from thinking only about yourself to asking whether your request makes sense in a healthy relationship. Honest self-reflection helps you grow, build better relationships, and avoid unnecessary conflict.

Another way to avoid entitlement is to practice gratitude. Being thankful helps you focus on what you have instead of what you think you deserve. Try making it a habit by sending a thank-you message to someone who helped you or writing a quick note to a coworker. These small actions can quickly boost your mood and appreciation.

To keep this up, try writing down three to five things you’re truly grateful for each day in a journal. This helps you focus on your blessings instead of what you feel is missing.

Gratitude keeps you humble. It reminds you that you rely on others and on things you can’t always control, which is the opposite of entitlement.

When you practice self-reflection and gratitude every day, you begin to see things in a new light and build stronger, more caring relationships where everyone feels valued.

Otherwise, I suggest working hard and not living off others’ efforts. However, no matter our success, the world is symbiotic, and we all “feed” from each other to survive. This is why we must value the efforts of friends, family, and colleagues, and avoid thinking too highly of ourselves.

On the flip side, when someone expects your time or energy without respecting your boundaries, it can leave you feeling drained and uncertain. Setting limits might feel uncomfortable at first, but noticing that discomfort is a good first step. So, what can you do if you’re dealing with someone who acts entitled?

Before you do anything, remember that you don’t have to explain how you use your money, time, or energy. You only need to share what you’re comfortable with. Keep that in mind.

With that in mind, the best thing you can do is set and stick to clear boundaries with family, friends, and coworkers. When dealing with entitled people, being clear and consistent is key. For example, you might say, I can’t lend you money right now, or I can only give you this amount.

You don’t have to justify or explain yourself. Just stick to your boundary. If someone keeps pushing, calmly repeat what you said: ‘As I mentioned, I can only lend this amount.’ Boundaries only work if you enforce them. If someone crosses the line, let them know what will happen next, like saying, ‘If you keep bringing this up, I’ll need to leave the conversation.’ Being clear and consistent helps others respect your limits.

Notice if you are trying to please everyone. As stated earlier, dealing with entitled people can be tiring, so it is important to take care of yourself. Perhaps you are saying yes to everyone to avoid conflict. In such moments, remind yourself, ‘Saying no helps me save my energy to help others later.’ This mindset can help you resist the impulse to satisfy everyone else’s needs at your own expense.

Remember, your needs, feelings, and boundaries matter. You’re not being selfish by protecting your time, energy, and resources.

As you work on these things, try to build a supportive network. Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and believe in give-and-take. This can help balance out any entitled behavior you encounter.

If nothing else works and the entitled behavior continues or becomes hurtful, it’s okay to step back. You might need to distance yourself or even end the relationship if things don’t change. It’s important to remember that stepping away from someone, especially a friend or family member can be very hard. Sometimes, talking to someone you trust can help you get through tough decisions and stay emotionally steady.

Building relationships free from unhealthy entitlement helps everyone feel respected and valued. By practicing self-reflection, gratitude, and healthy boundaries, we create happier, more rewarding connections.

Everyone deserves to live in a world free of entitlement —and yes, that is the ultimate entitlement.

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DISCLAIMER: The Views, Comments, Opinions, Contributions and Statements made by Readers and Contributors on this platform do not necessarily represent the views or policy of Multimedia Group Limited.